If, as the hot weather descends, you find yourself mourning spring and humming Scot Walker’s Copenhagen, thinking about “snowdrops falling through the night,” you’re in for some good news if you live in L.A. Two expat Danes have opened up shop in the city, and are offering authentic Danish ice cream at Paradis in Los Feliz and Montrose, and baked goods at Hygge Bakery, in Downtown. Paradis offers traditional gelato-esque Danish is (pronounced “ice”), which is a tad sweeter and creamier than the Italian variety, in flavors like roasted pistachio (thumbs up!) and marzipan, and with toppings like the marshmallowish flødebolle. For cooler days, head to Hygge Bakery for a strong coffee and one of their excellent small cakes. According to my Danish friend, hygge translates very roughly to “coziness,” and is a key aspect of Danish culture. It would seem that marzipan is also key, and the best of the desserts at Hygge are encased in it. At last, Scandinavian treats without a trip to the Ikea cafeteria!

“In theory,” reports The Telegraph, “China follows many internationally recognised standards for food safety.” But in practice, they spray their melons with so much growth chemical that they explode “like landmines.” The fruit was sprayed with forchlorfenuron, which is also used in the U.S. and, according to the EPA, “promote[s] plant cell division and lateral growth.” That seems like an understatement, if it can actually cause fruit to detonate, but there you have it.

The fruitocolypse is just part of the story, however: “China’s government is increasingly nervous about food safety issues after a string of scandals that include melamine-tainted milk, toxic beansprouts, steroid-laced pork and meat that glows in the dark.” I bet Nestle is looking into that last one—kids would just love glow in the dark Hot Pockets!

This Mother’s Day, it was a pristine and perfect L.A. day, so we celebrated in nature. Our hike in Malibu took us to the former set of M.A.S.H. (yes, yes, only in …) where we tucked into a springtastic meal of rice pilaf and citrusy beef salad, iced Chinese “forest berry” tea, and the first strawberries of the season, dipped in dark chocolate. The two days to categorically avoid restaurants are Mother’s Day and Valentines Day—so put this salad recipe in your hat for next year.

Serves 2 Read on… »

Inquiring minds want to know! Tune in May 18 to The Dr. Oz Show for the answer to this completely ridiculous question. Then, confound your toast-addled brain even further by watching this Dr. Oz episode from waaaay back in January (which were, like, the ’80s of carb-partying), “Don’t Ditch Carbohydrates.”

Seriously, people, we seem to be veering back into Atkins-diet territory again (and we all now how that panned out), only now the dreaded carb has for many shapeshifted into “gluten.” It’s very early 2000′s of us—what’s next, a trucker hat revival? Rebranded as “worker solidarity caps?” The latest arriviste is Pierre Dukan, whose diet one-ups Atkins by mandating a regime of meat and water for initial weight loss. (He concedes that constipation and bad breath are to be expected…so you get to eat a scoop of oat bran every day too! Yay.)

Of course, this carbo-terror will pass eventually (no thanks to the Dukan diet…hehe), and we will once again enjoy a brief period of “everything in moderation” before we’re back to hysterically vilifying foods. Until then, I’ll enjoy my pile of white, powdery, satisfying breadstuffs alone; crumpets are all the friends I need…They understand me, you know? You know? GOD I love crumpets!