• Posted by Califia Suntree on May 12th, 2011, 5:34 PM

    Inquiring minds want to know! Tune in May 18 to The Dr. Oz Show for the answer to this completely ridiculous question. Then, confound your toast-addled brain even further by watching this Dr. Oz episode from waaaay back in January (which were, like, the ’80s of carb-partying), “Don’t Ditch Carbohydrates.”

    Seriously, people, we seem to be veering back into Atkins-diet territory again (and we all now how that panned out), only now the dreaded carb has for many shapeshifted into “gluten.” It’s very early 2000’s of us—what’s next, a trucker hat revival? Rebranded as “worker solidarity caps?” The latest arriviste is Pierre Dukan, whose diet one-ups Atkins by mandating a regime of meat and water for initial weight loss. (He concedes that constipation and bad breath are to be expected…so you get to eat a scoop of oat bran every day too! Yay.)

    Of course, this carbo-terror will pass eventually (no thanks to the Dukan diet…hehe), and we will once again enjoy a brief period of “everything in moderation” before we’re back to hysterically vilifying foods. Until then, I’ll enjoy my pile of white, powdery, satisfying breadstuffs alone; crumpets are all the friends I need…They understand me, you know? You know? GOD I love crumpets!

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